Of Tears and Silent Love

She turned in the small bed, eyes wide open, 
She was hungry, but she did not feel like eating;
the Velvet nightgown clinged to her, she was sweating profusely,
A bittersweet turn in her life, thats where she was.

She looked around the tiny room, empty, just her bed there,
she wept , silent, with tears glistening in her eyes, 
she had no kerchief to wipe them off, 
she just took the back of her hand to her eyes, 
cleaned them like a small girl would do.

She was dreaming about her happy life,
so recent, and yet so distant past,
She dreamt of her father cuddling her,
She dreamt of her mother running her fingers through her hair,
And she dreamt of her brother.. 
And then.. she wept some more...

She woke up with a start, the door was opened,
He just stood there, looked at her, 
she thought she saw his eyes soften a little, 
but then they were back to flaming red,
He kept the dinner next to her on the table,
And turned out , without saying a word...
She looked at her dinner, looked back at the now closed door,
And then... she wept again...

And he wept outside...
it pained him to see her like this,
sandbags below her once beautiful eyes,
her once flawless figure , crouched in fear ,
in fear of him !! 
He thought about what his life could be, 
he thought what her life could be,
He thought about their life, what could never be..
And he wept... 

This was not what he wanted from her,
This was not what he wanted her to have from him,
He wanted to keep her happy,
Her gracious smile from her full lips, so addictive,
He wanted to get that on her face for ever,
He wanted no tears near her,
But thats all he gave to her,
But most of all, 
He wanted her with him... 
And thats why he had to see her crying now,
see her helpless in her small world,
watch her eroding, and watch her giving up hope,
Hope to dream, to survive, to live,
So.. he wept again...

The food had no taste, but she will eat,
she will eat as she wanted to live, 
she wanted to live to find out what happened ?
What happened to this stranger outside whom she thought she knew,
Was he the same person, whom she saw laughing with her father,
A family friend who was more family than friend to her parents,
Why does he look scared and puzzled when its her who is captive,
Why , most of all, has he got her here , is it money ?
She thought of all this, and finished her food, and then she slept...

He could not ,
Sleep, 
He was scared to see those dreams,
A dream in which he got his first cricket kit,
Another in which his father helped him ride his new cycle,
A dream in which his mother kept ice packs on his forehead,
While he slept numb, with high fever,
He knew he could not sleep now, 
'coz he will dream of his first crush in school,
Was it his English teacher , yes, Ms. Gupta,
his first under-19 match, and in the stands,
his father and mother cheering like kids,
for him, Ah ! Little did they know then what will he turn into !!

He has failed them , this he knew now,
they wont be talking to his uncle and aunts showing off his trophies won in school,
They wont be showing his graduation snaps to friends and tell them,
This is my Son, always been a merit student, played cricket at state level,
His mother wont stand in door any more and adore him with silent eyes and tears,
His father wont have a proud smile in his eyes any more when someone mentioned his name,
His little brother will now silently take bashing from the goons in school,
He wont threaten them any more -- Bhai ko pata chala to marega ( If my big bro gets to hear of this he will beat you )
He will no more be welcomed in the neighbourhood, the elders wont ask for his advice,
The children will run away from him, the girls wont open their windows and watch him work out any more,

Girls.. it was a girl who has brought him to do this,
a girl who took away all he had, with not the faintest idea of what had she done,
This girl inside, who was now sleeping on her bed blissfully ( he could hear her snore ),
this girl was responsible for outcasting him , making him a menace,
out of his club, out of the office, his promotion, US trip, all down the drain,
and all this happened, because , he is , so madly, deeply, passionately in love with this girl,
And HE could not sleep, because he had her inside the next room, sleeping blissfully,
he thought of this, thought of his friends who would be soon haggling over his job,
and his face turned tough, no more was he scared, 
No more was he afraid of consequences,
No more did he regret what he had done,
He will make her understand, he wont harm her, but he WILL make her see !!!

She woke up rubbing her eyes, with the sunlight warming her cheeks,
almost mechanically, she walked to the washroom, showered, 
picked up the fresh clothes, she found them near the door, just like everyday,
and it still chilled her to see her innerwear , washed fresh, 
She walked to the wall opposite , and to the calendar she had drawn during her first week,
And crossed out , Day No. 61, a new month today;
She walked back to the bed, sat down, contemplated wearing the clothes, 
then dropped the thought, and picked the plate of bread and eggs,
The door was not locked, but she knew her modesty was safe in this room,
Even with the stranger outside, he never came in without knocking,
She felt strangely comfortable sitting there, and eating food..

Once she finished it, she washed her hands, wore the clothes and knocked on the door,
she went back to the bed and lied there with eyes half closed,
he came in , picked up the utensils, her soil clothes, innerwear, 
she was no more embarassed, after all he has been doing this for 2 months now, 
and has probably washed everything himself, 2 months, 8 days of bloody clothes,
She thought of all this and strangely enough, she was not embarassed,
She tried to think back, think of when did they develop this silent understanding,
not a word was exchanged and he knew everything about her routine,
she saw him now , closing the door, stopping for a minute, she knew he will look at her now,
It has been 2 months , and she also knows him now.

He closed the door silently, as if afraid to wake her from her sleep,
even though she knows that he knows that she was awake,
it was another silent agreement, they did not want to face each other,
there were too many questions, and no answers,
and if they looked each other in the eyes, the questions will come out,
and may be some answers, and she was not ready for them,
Nor was he.
She sat up now in her bed, and looked at the closed door, 
She knew it was not bolted, it had never been in last 2 months,
She also knew that she wont try to run away,
It was strange, She was acting strangely,
but then it was a strange situation.

And outside, he finished his breakfast,
his eyes closed, as usual, and her image in his eyes,
His mind wandered, to the first day here,
she was screaming on the top of her lungs,
but then who was going to listen to her in the middle of the forest;
She kicked everything in the room, and he took out everything from the room.
just leaving her the bed, and some magazines to read,
He knew she was appalled at the sheer stupidity of his behavior,
She screamed for 3 days, then one day, he just walked in while she was screaming,
he kept some new clothes near her bed, another plate of lunch, 
And looked at her long, hard stare, and said - " Eat lunch, you are not going anywhere till I say so.."
And he saw her resign to fate then, she still did not eat in front of him,
but then he went out closing the door behind him, and after an hour, heard her eating.


If only, If only you could understand how I feel, he thought, 
If only, if only you could hear my eyes speak, 
if only you could listen to my heart beats with your name in them.

And then he just sat there, watching the sun rise up, and then go down,
It has been like this for 2 months now, you would think she will understand,
God ! Does she want him to just walk up to her and say - "I love you ?"
He leaned back against the wall, and his eyes were heavy now,
He hummed his school anthem, and soon was snoring heavily on the floor.

At that very moment, she was still sitting on her bed,
with her legs absently swaying on the floor,
She surprised herself by humming to a old romantic song,
She thought of her first day here, and smiled,
she raised all hell then, and he was stunned,
She saw it in his eyes, scared eyes, worried eyes;
But then she remembered his eyes 3 days later;
Plain cold hatred, fury, anger, 
She had never seen anything like this,
It was then that she knew, her life will be different for sometime now,
She loathed the food he got but ate it as there was little else,
She felt invaded wearing the clothes he got,
But there was little else to wear.

She walked to the door, heard him snoring, 
She opened the door, and went close to his closet,
She had heard him opening it several times during the day and night;
He acted strangely when she first saw him doing something in the closet;
He closed it so fast that his pyajamas got caught in them, and he fell,
She laughed then, it was a month before, the only time she laughed here,
And now, she had her hands on the handle of the closet,
She opened it slowly, it made little sound, but it was lost in his snoring;
I will tell him tomorrow morning, she thought, that I dont like people snoring in my bed,
And then admonished herself at the thought.

She was not sure what she expected to find there,
but it was surely not what she could ever imagine,
The inner wall of the closet, the side doors, the shelves, 
Everything was full with her pictures, 
There she was bathing in the Ganges when she was 2 yrs old :)
Another where she competed in the inter state dance competition,
Another when she attended his sister's marriage,
and many many more...
She opened the boxes on the shelves, and was bewildered,
it had her lost stockings from grade seven,
her silver clip which went missing 3 yrs back, 
Her panties which she was sure she dropped when she shat in them on the college trip,
her graduation hat which she never found after she threw it up during the ceremony,
and many more things which she never missed ,
but now seeing them all together here, she shivered.

She closed the closet and walked back to her room in a trance,
she closed the door , sat down on her bed,
She knew she was shivering and should closed the grilled window,
but she dared not move,
She was suddenly afraid,
for the first time in this room,
She got up and locked the room door from inside,
and sat back on the bed,
Her eyes were wide open with shock,
She could hear her heart beats loud and clear,
and yet , she was oblivious to all sounds,
for the first time since she was here, 

She was frightened ....

He knocked on her door, her washed clothes and food in his hands,
He was surprised, to find it locked, did she not trust him anymore ?
Has he somehow forced her to retreat further instead of coming forward to him ?
She heard the knock, and woke up, smiling,
Walked over to the door, opened it and said ,
"Hello, Good Morning, thanks for the breakfast and clothes, would you like to come in ?",
and she laughed and laughed her heart out, as he fumbled picking up the clothes he dropped,
At the sametime trying to balance the food tray,
"I will come back to pick these up, dont lock the door", he said.

And so they had their first civilized dialogue,
or something close to it, on the 62nd day, 
And as the door closed, she turned back and sat back on the bed,
pretty pleased the way she acted it out, 
still shivering from the chills it gave her lest she blew it,
She was not sure if she could carry it off,
She had been awake most of the night, and slept on it,
and her best bet at the moment , she decided , was ,
to confuse him, break the routine, make him falter,
becoz... for the first time in last 52 days, she wanted to leave from here.

He was sitting down on the floor too,
He heard the door close,
He heard the bolt being put on,
He knew he should go and teach her a lesson for disobeying him,
But he also knew that he wont do any of this,
He did not want to react in a frenzy,
He loved the way she laughed,
God ! He has been waiting to see her smile,
but now that it happened, he was not very sure,
What really happened last night , what brought about the morph ?
He would get to it, he will get to it and when he does ....

Inside the room, sitting on the bed, she knew that she got him confused,
She was ready for another confrontation, another act;
She wanted to frustrate him, puzzle him, guile him into thinking, anything,
She was also afraid, She was not sure if she could do it,
Till last night, she was almost coming to terms of her confinement,
She was almost adjusting to her daily monotonous routine,
She knew it was just a matter of time before he asks her parents for ransom money,
Or if he already did that, then, only a matter of time before they pay him off,
And she was adapting to her silent lifestyle, when all her hopes were shattered last night,
She knew now that he was not going to let her go, She had read about such things in past,
Boys going crazy, bordering on being mentally ill and being a maniac,
She now knew that he probably loved her, though for what reason, she could not fathom,
And she now knew, that she had to leave from here, and no, asking him wont help.

She tried to lie down and close her eyes, and think back,
Think back to the time she had first seen him, at her father's office,
They were talking about a project when she barged in the door,
Straight to her father, asking for some money to buy some clothes,
And he just looked up at her silently, smiled, greeted her, and excused himself out,
She tried hard, but there was nothing else she could remember about the day,
That was right , there WAS nothing else that happened that day,
After then she had seen him frequently, during his visits to her home,
during her visits to his father's office, during get-togethers in society,
She tried to find out some instances, any indications she might have given out,
Anything from her which could make him think that she would reciprocate,
But that was the problem, she never reciprocated, she could not,
There was nothing to which she could, HE never gave any indications too !!
She tried to recall if she had ever seen him staring at her, gazing fondly,
Did she ever notice him strolling around her house aimlessly,
Had she ever heard her name mentioned while he was around, 
No , then how could she reciprocate, and to what !!!

And that's why she was scared, she was not sure if it was love what he was harboring,
She was not sure if it was his desire to keep her happy which he had,
He may think so, but she was sure that she will never reciprocate;
She will somehow get out of here, tell her parents, and get him in jail,
In the jail, where he could lie down on the cold concrete floor, 
and snore to his heart's desire, but no sir, he wont do that in her bed,
'In her Bed !' , what the hell was wrong with her, what was she thinking,
How could she still think of bed and him in the same sentence,
How could she think anything about bed and them,
God ! There WAS NO THEM !!

Outside, his brainstorming has yeilded no results so far,
He decided to just let his instincts handle this complication,
He got up, made the lunch in the adjoining kitchen, made her plate,
And stood outside her door, he gave it a little push,
It was locked, How dare she !
He stood there for a moment, undecided on the next step,
Then a steely resolve took over, she could not shake him now,
She wont surprise him now, he was ready for her histrionics,
He kept the plate steady in one hand, and banged hard on the door with the other,
It opened in a flash, and there she stood, still adjusting her kurta,
which got stuck while she was trying to pull it down her head may be,
He rushed past her inside the room, kept the plate on the table,
And before she could utter a word, he was out of the door,
This time, he locked it from outside, and sighed with relief.


Inside, she just stood near the door for a moment,
She was not sure what happened, She wanted to see his response,
She wanted to see how would he react if she prompted him,
And she did not overdo it, she was sure, she had her slip on,
well, going by some of the dresses she had at home, she was probably even decent,
Then why did he react so stupidly, 
It was not money, she knew, It was not love, not in this way,
And now, she was sure it was not her body, then what ?
What did he want from her ? Why was he keeping her here,
She was stirred by this latest scene now, 
He was smart, intelligent, successful, and probably had girls chasing him,
Then what was he contemplating to acheive by this ?
Surely it was not just her, he could not be doing this only because he wanted to be with her.

She knew her parents well enough to be sure that her kidnap wont be a public knowledge even now,
They probably told everyone that she was off in US or UK studying or visiting friends,
She knew that they themselves were probably thinking that she had run away for a while,
They wont disturb their social status by admitting that their daughter is with God knows who ,
For more than 2 months now, no, they wont do anything like this,
And she knew that if she got back, there wont be questions,
She had made it clear at some times earlier, she was not a kid.

So what now, she found herself thinking.

Yes, what now , he was thinking, 
She was teasing him , he could see that,
Why, he did not know, but she was teasing him,
that was no accident back there, she knew what she was doing,
well, two can play this game, he thought,
he knew he was playing at a risk now,
he knew she was going to run when she could,
he knew that she probably would,
but he was also tired,
he could not wait any more, for her,
He had to know, if there could be THEM.

He did not giver her dinner, and nor the breakfast next morning,
The door was still locked from outside, he did not open it,
No fresh clothes, no fresh water, nothing,
By evening she knocked on the door, once, then twice,
By night she was banging it and shouting obsceneties at him,
shouting for food, for water,
And then suddenly she stopped, 
he heard her sob then,
she wept for a long time,
He did not open the door.

He heard her snore, he got up then,
Opened the door lock, and left fresh water, and clothes there,
He glanced at her sleeping in the bed, and for a fleeting instance,
he found his resilence breaking, but then he closed the door,
He came back and lied down on the cold floor,
He thought of what was waiting outside this forest for him,
he thought of going back to his job, his friends,
And in a few minutes he was snoring.

That woke her up, his snoring, it was too loud,
She grabbed the handle of the door and had every intention of yanking it open,
And shouting and screaming and not letting him sleep,
But the door just opened silently, 
She was transfixed now, he left it open and went to sleep ?
She found the clothes kept there, and she found the water,
And she found something else there,
She found the crumpled piece of paper, 
And she wept,
She read it for the 3rd time in the dim light of the kitchen bulb,
She read it without being perturbed from his snoring,
She read it again , just a few lines, 
And she wept...

"I know you probably hate me for what I have done,
You think I am dangerous, trouble, 
But I know only one thing, that I love you,
I love you as no one has ever loved anyone before,
I want you only for me, 
I know that my parents may not disagree if I tell them,
I know that your parents like me already,
And I know that I can keep you happy all my life,
But I dont know if you want to be in my life,
I did not have the heart to ask you and hear you say no,
I had no surety that you will agree, 
But I have loved you so much since I ever saw you,
that I could not risk you saying no, and marrying someone else,
So I got you here, away from all, away from anyone who could interfere,
Where, even you could not get away from me,
Where I could feel your presence all the time,
I know now that this was not right,
I know now that I was not right,
and I know that you may want to leave now,
So go."

"So go ! " , that was it ? What nerve !!
Who did he think he was to tell her to go when she wants,
Who did he think he was getting her against her wish,
Who did he think he was proclaiming his love for her,
And just who did he think he was , knowing that she wants to leave,
Well, Mr. Oracle, what a surprise, I am NOT Going !!
Not like this,
I cant cook food now, you have spoilt me making food for me from last 60 days,
I am surely not going to find a maid who will expect to be paid for washing my clothes,
I am not going to hire a servant to pick up and clean utensils,
and I am definitely not going to find myself someone else,
Someone whom I could trust enough with anything,
Someone whom I would not feel embarassed living with,
Someone who will make me feel beautiful by a simple look,
Someone who can make me think of sinful things without even touching me,
No, Mr. Right, you arrogant SOB, I am not going to do that.

She picked up her blanket from her room, 
came into the outer hall where he was sleeping,
Snoring, now , this is something we need to work on !!
She could see him shivering, how noble !
What a prick ! , she covered him with blanket , lightly,
He did not even flinch when she tugged it under his feet so they dont feel cold,
And then she came back in her room, and slept,
She wept again, but this time the tears were different,
They felt nice rolling down her cheeks,
She would wake up in the morning, and demand her breakfast in bed,
and he better gets her that, else there would be war :)

Outside, he opened his eyes,
and wiped his eyes with the corner of the blanket,
She knows, he thought, 
And then he closed his eyes again.

They both had the same dream that night, 
A happy life, back with their parents,
They would probably make this cabin an annual vacation,
And he could get her food all three times and wash her clothes,
Only this time, they wont sleep in seperate rooms,
They both dreamt of a small child, 
walking down the beach with them,
holding their hands, and taking turns to look up and smile at them,
They both dreamt of their small world,
and ..
They wept...

Aaj Sone De Maa...

No comments... Just scribbled these lines today... Think...


आज सोने दे माँ !
-------------------

आज सोने दे माँ,
भोर भये कल जाना है,
नेता जी गरीबों को कल खाना बाँटेंगे,
शायद कुछ खाने को मुझे भी मिल जाये;
भूखा हूँ कितने दिनों से;
पेट भर के कब खाया था कुछ याद नही;
आज सोने दे माँ..

कलवा कह रह था कि वो कल आएगा,
कैसे माँगते हैं भीख , सिखायेगा,
शायद कोई चम् चम् गाड़ी में बैठा
मेरे फैले हाथों में शायद कोई कुछ पैसे दे जाये,
उन पैसों से फिर मैं भी पेट भर खाना खाऊंगा,
अभी ना सोया तो सुबेह जल्दी उठ नही पाऊँगा;
आज सोने दे माँ...

एक बात बता माँ मुझको,
क्यों मुझको कहीँ फैंक नही आयी थी तू?
पैदा तो हो गया था, फिर क्यों पाल नही पाई थी तू,
यह बाक़ी के ७ भाई बहिन मेरे,
क्या तुझको कम लग रहे थे?
इनको संभाल नही पा रही थी;
क्यों फिर मुझे इस दुनिया में लायी तू?
अब आ गया हूँ तो जिंदा रहने को खाना भी होगा,
सुबेह फिर बस्स अड्डे पर सामान उठाने को जाना होगा,
कुछ काम मिला तो छोटी बहिन के लिए थोडा दूध लाऊँगा,
थोड़ी सी पतली दाल , थोड़े से चावल मैं भी खाऊंगा,
बहुत अच्छे लोग आते हैं वहाँ माँ,
थोडा खा के बाक़ी फैंक देते हैं मेरे जैसो के लिए,
ज़मीन पर गिरा हुआ था खाना तो क्या हुआ?
पेट में जा के तो भूख को मिटा पायेगा,
शायद कल कचरे के डब्बे में मुझे भी कुछ मिल जाये,
आज सोने दे माँ॥

थक गया हूँ माँ,
आज सोने दे,
सुबेह मंत्री जी कि रैली में गया था,
कुछ आठ दस लाठी खाने के पुरे पचास रुपेह मिले थे,
१० रुपेह कि बापू ने शराब पी ली,
१० से तेरी लिए नयी धोती लाया था,
बाक़ी मंत्री के आदमी ने रख लिए,
वरना अगली बारी नही बुलाता;
फिर कैसे ३ दिन बाद फिर लाठी खाता,
आज के ज़ख़्म अभी भरे नही है,
थोडा आराम कर लिया तो शायद फिर लाठी खा पाऊँगा,
पचास रुपेह फिर कमा के , शायद फिर बीस रुपेह घर ला पाऊँगा,
नही तो इस महिने का खोली का किराया नही जाएगा,
कल सुबेह वोह गुंडा मकान मालिक फिर आया था,
देखा था मैंने किस नज़र से तुझको और बड़ी बहिन को देखा था उसने,
पैसे नही कमाये तो फिर वो तुमको हाथ लगाएगा,
अभी उससे लड़ने कि हिम्मत नही है माँ,
अभी मुझे बहुत कुछ करना है,
सब का और अपना पेट भरना है,
पांच दस साल में कुछ पैसे बच जायेंगे,
तो शायद हम भी कभी उस अच्छी वाली खोली में जायेंगे;
वहाँ तो नहाने का नलका भी है,
पर यह सब तो तभी हो पायेगा;
जब तेरा यह बेटा हर सुबेह काम पर जाएगा,
तो बस माँ, अब कपडे पहन ले,
बापू ने ऐसे देखा हम दोनो को तो बहुत चिलायेगा,
फिर आज रात को शोर मच्चायेगा;
तो आज सोने दे माँ...
क्या मालूम, फिर कब सोने को मिले...

United Indians of the World ???

Ponder this. Amazing insight.

A very close friend of mine called me yesterday from US of A. During the conversation, she mentioned ->

"Atleast I have 4 Indian families in close vicinity where I live. There is this lovely couple from Maharashtra, an uncle type from Chennai, 1 couple from Bangalore who have been in US for 2o years, and another couple from Hyderabad. All loving and caring people, not like these Goras (read Americans) who dont care for anyone."

Why would this get me thinking ? You ask this of me ? Ok.. Read on and perhaps it will be clearer.

I know this friend of mine since 1995. We were in Eleventh grade in different schools. I was from Faridabad City in Haryana State of India, and she was from the capital New Delhi.

She had categorized the world in the following types --

1. The best - Delhi-ites
2. The not so bad - Foreigners (which is everyone outside India ;-) )
3. The ok ok sort - Haryanvis, UP waala, MP waala etc.
4. The Insufferable - Madrasis ( Now this is interesting as for her, everyone from Mumbai down was a Madrasi, does not matter if that person was from Chennai or Bangalore or Hyderabad or anywhere else).
5. The Intolerable - Pakistanis..

I tried a lot to change this notion but gave up soon. Things changed. She changed in a 4-5 years. She now was living in Bangalore working for a Tech company (didnt they all !! ). Now when we talked it was -

"Yeh madrasi saare pagal hote hain. Inko kuch nahi pata. Hum north waale hi sahi hain (These Madrasis are all mad, they know nothing. We North Indians are the best)".

Here its interesting to know that the so called Northis, now had - 1 Noida girl, 1 jat from Gurgaon, 1 jat from Hisar, 2 girls from Delhi, and 3 from Ranchi. See ? Interesting unity right ?

Ok.. so now the world was 1 category less, all Northis, All foreigners, all Southies, and the Pakis.. and this was 1999.

Fast forward to 2007 and I almost lost touch with her during these 7-8 years. It was quite suprising for me to see her mail one day in an email account I checked only once in a blue moon (IT boom days guys, we all created email accounts like crazy.. after all which true blooded Indian will leave alone anything which was free !! by the way its - thedecentmale@yahoo.com in case u are inclined to right, and i do check it more often now .. he he he)

She wrote to me from US of A, we started communicating again and I was wondering what direction is this all moving into. What would a sophisticated Page 3 type girl , A Delhi-ite to boost, living now in US of A would want from a Faridabadi (what she called me in 1990 -s)... who was still in India.

I was not to wait for long.. And as you know, she called me y'day and one statement jumped out ->

"Atleast I have 4 Indian families in close vicinity where I live. There is this lovely couple from Maharashtra, an uncle type from Chennai, 1 couple from Bangalore who have been in US for 2o years, and another couple from Hyderabad. All loving and caring people, not like these Goras (read Americans) who dont care for anyone."

It took a visit and stay in the land of "Uncle Sam" for her to realize that she was an Indian ? that everyone, whether from Hyderabad, Cochin, Bangalore, Mumbai or Haryana or Hisar.

What is next ? After 2 more years, I wont be the least bit surprized for her to call me and say - "I have this lovely Paki friend who took me shopping." Or "This friend of Mine from Colombo makes the best of the meals", or perhaps ->

"We asians need to unite against these Whites." ???

United in Distance are we ? What will it take for us all to realize that we are all humans ? A posting in Mars or Venus ?

Ponder this.. I am still thinking..

Scribble... and More

I Remember

I remember the swing in the park,

the bench on which O'Connor slept during night;

the trees with bark, and dogs which don't,

the flowers, the grass,

the sun shining, Oh So bright...

I remember the dew which made your tres damp,

I remember the chirping birds, Oh what songs they sing;

the ice cream vendor,

the Gypsy peddler;

I remember the faint sweet smell of approaching spring...

The touch of your hair, so smooth so soft,

I remember the shy smile, the apprehension well hidden, yet so clear;

the hesitation in your eyes,

the tremor in your fingers;

I remember the drumming beats in my ears...

Your look, just one, and one too many,

I remember your lips, and they were soft;

First handshake, First hug, the first kiss;

Oh them I remember a lot...

For hard to forget are those days my love,

The days when we met and were swept away;

How can I forget even a moment of those times;

I remember them, every second, every hour, every day...

How much ?

आंखों में तेरी सूरत बसी है;
तेरी तरह तेरा गम भी हसीं है ।

Those who matter will understand this.. Rest are, frankly, of no concern of mine...

Me, myself and I were arguing the merits and demerits of having too much money. Of cource not privilidged enough to have any, forget enough, we were not really bring much practical aspect to the debate but we did reach one final question -->

"How much... is too much ?" ...

Not very Inventive Eh ! .. but really.. how much does someone need to enjoy.. how much does it take to live.. not in splendor, not in garish opulence, but just to live.. and to let live..

How much .. really.. is too much ? And thats applicable to everything..

How much love is too much love ? How much study is too much study ? How many clothes are (plz females.. do not shudder !!).. are too many..

Ok strike that last one out.. just trying to lighten up some heavy stuff. I am going introspective on myself. Me, Myself and I.. all 3 of us keep getting suckered into this awfully dull sulking depression (ok thats one TOO Many adjectives)... But like the Jumping Jack, we keep bouncing right back into the peaceful oblivion of "I dont care.." , on our way to the "Hey !! Watch out world.. We are back.. " mode..

Its really good to talk to yourself.. Just lie down somewhere where all you can see is the sky... Nothing else... just the sky.. and u ... and the world all around...

Its a mind blowing experience.. and talking about blowing and all .. enough blowing my own trumpet ( i mean enough talking about myself .. You perverts !!) for today...

Some time again.. Me, Myself and I will be back for you... With you . Always :-).. Until then.. Sayonara...

Shall We Scribble ?

And here comes my Nth Blog... I feel like a horny stud on world tour fathering a child in every city where I stay.. I dont even remember where most of my blogs are. if you know any , please do drop me a mail on - aashaan.1@gmail.com , Will you ?

Ok... so the need for this blog was urgent॥ I just thought of a few hindi lines and thought they may make sense to someone other than me ?


यह रात देर तक जागना, और नींद का दूर तक कुछ पता भी नही,
यह सोचना हर लम्हा कि अब बचा क्या है;
यह मुस्कराना हर गम-ए-मोड़ पर,
और हर ख़ुशी पर आंखों में आंसू का छलकना;
यह खिलखिलाना हर बेबसी पर अपनी,
यह उदासी का आलम हर मौका-ए-जश्न पर;

कुछ कशमकश में है जिन्दगी मेरी॥
खुद को अब तक समझ नही पायी शायद जिन्दगी मेरी..


(In English for those who dont see the text above or cant read hindi)

Yeh raat der tak jaagna, aur neend ka door tak kuch pata bhi nahi,
yeh sochna har lamha ki ab bacha kya hai;
yeh muskarana har ghum-e-mod par,
Aur har khushi par aankhon mein aansoo ka chalakna;
yeh khilkhilana har bebasi par apni;
yeh udaasi ka aalam har mouka-e-jashan par;

Kuch kashamkash mein hai zindagi meri..
Khud ko samajha nahi pa rahi zindagi meri..


... Sayonara.. until.. the next time ?